Turning 40

Creative Writing Class: "Woman"

I've been instructed to write whatever came to mind with one word given: 'Woman'

I may not look it, but I recently turned 40; it’s a birthday that over the last few months that has made me ponder and reflect and I'm not really sure why. 

I'm a 40 year old Woman.... and even just saying these words out loud just makes me pause a second or two. I'm 40 years of age... bloody hell. 

When I think of someone celebrating their 40th, I instantly remember my own Mam's birthday when I was 13 years old. She celebrated it at home in our not so very big sitting room. I had sat awkwardly in the corner most of the night cradling my dog Nikki, a nervous Bichon Frise we'd found wandering in the phoenix park; she was half blind, limped with arthritis and clung to me like a limpet never leaving my side. She had never seen our sitting room so full, and with me, watched the hordes of family members and friends through a mountain of cigarette smoke in our sitting room quickly getting drunk by the Vodka and Gin which was being passed around each family member like a new-born addition to the family.  

My Aunt Anne repeating to any new person who would listen to her, "Jaysus, you wouldn’t get these measures in a pub". I sat bemused watching the evening unfold, Nikki fast asleep in my lap although occasionally getting woken when a drunken Aunt or Uncle approached me "Ah there's our little Susie Woosie" and patting not only Nikki's head but mine too.

A while later, I sat comfortably not wanting to move in fear of losing my seat or wake a sleeping Nikki when the lights suddenly dim and a knowing quiet eruption of oohs and aahs begin to fill the room when from the Kitchen, a glow of lights appear with my Dad carrying a large cream covered birthday cake with enough candles to warrant a fire safety drill approaches my Mam. She is now sitting opposite me in the sitting room and stands up all embarrassed; Everyone's cheering, all singing different parts of the Happy Birthday song and Mam going ever so red waiting for the song to finish, well one of the versions at least. 

The room then descends into silence and she peers down at the candles, closes her eyes as if making a wish, her face lit up a yellowy colour, takes a breath and puffs out her cheeks to blow out all her candles in one go. 

The room suddenly erupts into more cheers and Mam looks around the room smiling, taking in the adoration. She catches my eyes, smiles at me and with her index finger, ushers me to come over. 

I shift from my seat, taking Nikki from my lap and lay her down on the couch as I go stand beside my Mam. My Brother who had been upstairs with my older cousins begrudgingly walks towards us and with our Dad standing behind us, we're engulfed in flashes of flashbulb lights from various cameras throughout the room. We’re then told to "hold on" as Uncle John replaces the film in his camera, I squirm with embarrassment and Mam just takes my hand and squeezes it reassuring me. One more solitary flash of light from Tom's camera blinds us when Mam kisses me on my forehead and looks towards Nikki who’s looking at me and almost pleading for me to come back and tells me to 'go on' knowing that Nikki would have a heart attack soon if I didn’t go back to her. 

I walk back towards my corner seat, lift Nikki up and sit back down with her on my lap and I peer at the going on, everyone looking so joyous and happy and I stare at Mam for what seems an age. She looks so happy and pretty, standing in her pink floral dress, a new perm hairdo and just a touch of make-up which was unusual for her as she never really wore make up. 

Gazing at the surrounding scene, I was 13 years of age and never thought for a moment that I too would one day be 40.